They may be no better, certainly couldn't be any worse...

January 7th – In 1968 on this day a radio station in San Francisco (KMPX) that had asked listeners to choose candidates for the forthcoming Presidential elections announced the results. Listeners selected Bob Dylan for President, Paul Butterfield ('Paul Butterfield Blues Band' – one of the first ‘super-group’ members) as Vice-President and George Harrison as Ambassador to the U.N. and I got to thinking who I’d switch from the music/entertainment world and put in charge of the various official departments of the U.K. government.

Now, I might have misunderstood the work the various departments do and I've also allowed myself the luxury of bringing some folk back to life, used a few actor-types and made every position a shared one, but here’s the selection; lets see how off-kilter I am with the present incumbents. You wanna know why I want the present post-holders replaced? Well I’m fed up with seeing people, whose only affinity with the job they are gifted is a title, making a fuck-up of it and blaming everyone else but themselves. Wanna know why I chose these people to replace them? Look ‘em up for yourself, I’m not gonna do all your work…idle slobs.

Attorney General’s Office – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Dominic Grieve QC M .P.

My Suggestion: James Brown/Kristen Stewart

Cabinet Office – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Nick Clegg M.P.

My Suggestion: Lemmy (providing one of the cabinets is labelled ‘drinks’)/Annie Lennox

Department for Communities and Local Government – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Eric Pickles M.P.

My Suggestion: UB40 (all of them)/Jennifer Garner

Department for Business, Innovation and Skills – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Vince Cable M.P.

My Suggestion: Chas Chandler/Sharon Osborne

Department for Culture, Media and Sport – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Maria Millar M.P.

My Suggestion: Marilyn Monroe/Ronnie Wood…but not together in the same room unaccompanied

Department for Education – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Michael Gove M.P.

My Suggestion: Ginger Baker (well, he sure taught me a hell of lot)/ Patti Smith (I'm sure she could)

Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Owen Paterson M.P.

My Suggestion: Ian Anderson/Toyah Wilcox

Department for International Development – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Justine Greening M.P.

My Suggestion: Bob Geldof/Sigourney Weaver

Department for Transport – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Patrick McLoughlin M.P.

My Suggestion: Emmett Brown/Janis Joplin

Department for Work and Pensions – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Ian Duncan-Smith M.P.

My Suggestion: Vera Lynn/Herb Jeffries

Department of Energy and Climate Change – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Edward Davey M.P.

My Suggestion: Bruce Springsteen/Kim Wylde

Department of Health – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Jeremy Hunt M.P.

My Suggestion: Iggy Pop/Stevie Nicks… Let’s face it, anyone who can live through that lot…

Foreign and Commonwealth Office – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. The Baroness Warsi M.P.

My Suggestion: Ravi Shankar/Buffy Sainte-Marie

Her Majesty’s Treasury – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Danny Alexander M.P.

My Suggestion: Bono/Tina Turner

Home Office – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Mrs. Theresa May M.P.

My Suggestion: Ray Davis/Pam Ayres

Ministry of Defence – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Philip Hammond M.P.

My Suggestion: Peter Kay/Victoria Wood

Ministry of Justice – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Chris Grayling M.P.

My Suggestion: Bill Hicks/Gloria Allred

Northern Ireland Office – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Theresa Villiers M .P.

My Suggestion: Davy Spillane/Cara Dillon

Office of the Advocate General of Scotland – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Alistair Carmichael M .P.

My Suggestion: Gerry Rafferty/KT Tunstall

Office of the Leader of the House of Commons – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Andrew Lansley M .P.

My Suggestion: Ken Dodd/Debbie Harry

Office of the Leader of the House of Lords – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. The Lord Hill of Qareford M .P.

My Suggestion: Screaming Lord Sutch/Chrissie Hynde

Office of the Prime Minister – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. Francis Maude M .P.

My Suggestion: Bill Bryson/Joan Armatrading

Scotland Office – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. David Mundell M .P.

My Suggestion: Maggie Bell/Angus Young

Wales Office – Present Incumbent: Rt. Hon. David Jones M .P.

My Suggestion: Meinir Gwilym/ James Dean Bradfield

So, that’s your next dinner-party conversation sorted then.