Cash in the banned lane...

January 11th – ‘Louie Louie’ by The Kingsmen hits the number one (and no, it’s not written #1, its written ‘number one’, OK?) slot in the American ‘Cash Box Chart’ on this day in 1963. Says it all really, ‘Cash Box Chart'...nope, stop it, Peter, you've done this one the other day… 

The apocryphal tale is it was banned because the lyrics were obscene (something about ‘ boning’, ‘wanking’ and ‘fucking’ mixed up in a tale revolving around a guy crossing an ocean to see his girl) and such reference to things natural 'would corrupt the delicate sensibilities of the youth of America'. Anyway, with a couple of radio stations refusing to play it and the governor of Indiana declaring it pornographic it was destined for great things. 

It seems that what many of the people involved in any organisation from politics through business and into education seem to forget, the minute they grow up (loose definition) is what it’s like to be young and just what ‘curiosity’, ‘libido’ and ‘hormones’ do to a young person’s sensibilities. 

“I’d be looking at the books on our shelves at home when I was about 12 or 13 and I’d say, ‘What should I read next, mum?’ and I’d take a book down and ask, “How about this one?’ and mum would say, ‘No, dear, not that one; it’s not suitable for you right now?”’ is a true tale told to me by a now adult lady. Well, we all know what happens next, and this procedure and outcome is repeated in the world of banned pop music ad nauseum.

‘Relax’, ‘Lola’, ‘Smack My Bitch Up’, ‘Fairytale of New York’, ‘A Day in the Life’, ‘The Man with the Golden Arm’…even though that last one was an instrumental (?!) ‘Crazy Horses’ (although that one was by the Osmond’s so deserved to be banned on that premise alone) 10 comedy songs by Tom Lehrer (he of ‘Poisoning Pigeons in the Park’ fame…) ‘Party on your Pussy’…oh, OK, I’ll give you that last one maybe…anyway, disregarding that last one the list goes on; around 80-plus banned pop songs. And in each and every case the number of purchasers, listeners and lyric-deciphering dweebs rose exponentially.

Now, if they’d kept shtum we’d all have been none the wiser. In fact in most cases we’d have all thought the lewdness was just us miss-hearing the words; a misquote much like Peter Kay’s ‘miss-heard lyrics’ rap, but they didn't. The holier-than-thou high-horse was saddled up and ridden to death by these guardians of our morals; these spotless DJ’s…and as a consequence there’s no denying the money made from each and every one of these banned singles. 

With that as a profit-template, I’m into the studios tomorrow to lay down a track about a guy rogering a goat whilst standing up to his knees in Anchor squirty-cream and KY Jelly dressed in women’s clothes and watching ‘Debbie Does Dallas’ on a 60 foot screen… The track title will be; 

'Sex Up My Goatescream KYlly Jelly Debbie'.

I'll release it on the Navel-Gazer label...

…by the sound of that shocked silence it’s gonna be a solo album then…?