Do it again, do it again...

January 6th – General Manuel Noriega was yet another of those ‘Friends of the U.S.A – Enemy of the U.S.A.’ kinda guy that we see and hear about so much in the world of modern diplomacy.

I paraphrase; deep breath: Noriega was based in Panama and during his tenure was involved in large-scale drug supply to which the U.S. turned a blind eye because they wanted his help to destabilise various countries such as Nicaragua…you know, modern diplomacy strategies that surface where oil and forestry and mineral riches are up for grabs, stuff like that.

“WTF has this got to do with music, Peter?”

Well, just this really. The U.S. used the music of AC/DC and Eddie Van Halen to drive Noriega from his compound and into the waiting arms of the U.S. military in an attack called, ‘Operation Just Cause’ on this day in 1990. The playlist lasted ten days and included music by Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, AC/DC, Eddie Van Halen and so on, and it was and is classed as psychological warfare…warfare? Judas Priest doing ‘Screaming for Vengeance’ at 10,000 decibels? I don’t think so. Ten days of being forced to listen to that sort of music would have been like a holiday to an ageing rocker like me. And what is the problem with playing that genre of music at a very high volume…isn't that precisely how it should be heard? You know the volume’s right when it bends the grass…loud-schmowd…you've not heard the level I have my headphones set at. Even whilst I’m writing this, I've got Jane’s Addiction playing ‘Just Because’ at a decibel level that’s parting my beard so don’t talk to me about loud, OK.

And what is this rubbish? Ten days? TEN days! Don’t want to nit-pick or anything but I could've shifted him out of there a damn sight quicker than that. How? OK, here’s MY playlist for shifting dictators you've fallen out with from positions of seeming inviolability in less time than it takes to feed a tom cat…In no particular order:

'Leapy' Lee – ‘Little Arrows’.

The band I was playing drums in at the time Mr. Lee was topping the UK charts supported him at the Plaza Old Hill, Brum. How did he get his epithet? By jumping up into the air ONCE during his set… and I use the word ‘set’ in its loosest possible sense.

Mister Blobby – ‘Mister Blobby’.

You REALLY think they could’ve found anyone else to sing (?) it? That’s a measure of the pop music industry that song; laying out money to make a recording of a pink, sponge-rubber bedecked arse singing about himself…jeezzeee.

Keith Harris and Orville – ‘Orville’s Song’.

FFS! It wasn't a real bird, it was and is a stuffed toy. It may come as surprise but it didn't have a voice, it was Mr Harris caterwauling. The one piece of authenticity in whole project was that was the sort of voice you’d have if someone had their hand shoved up your arse and was caressing your colon.

Steps – ‘5678’. 

And you thought they couldn't count…shame on you.

The Teletubbies – ‘Teletubbies say ‘Eh-Oh’’. 

Don’t know about you but I would have been out of that safe-house and surrendering wearing nothing but a pink thong with “HOT STUFF” imprinted on the crotch if it would have made them stop this particular piece of pop-fuckery three seconds the sooner.

'Little' Jimmy Osmond – ‘I’ll Be Your Long-Haired Lover from Liverpool’. 

What would have added extra impetus to Noriega’s departure through the front door (probably without opening it would have been the possibility that “Little Jimmy” would be swiftly followed by a recording of his older brother and that wife of his singing something else…like ‘Puppy Love’.

Richard Harris – ‘MacArthur Park’. 

The sight of various gibbering, pale-faced Generals scrambling out of every available exit in various stages of undress screaming, “Tell us! TELL US! What does this all mean!?” as they threw themselves at the feet of Uncle Sam’s boys would have been worth the entrance fee alone.

David Bowie – ‘The Laughing Gnome’. 

I have NOTHING to add.

With that lot as the playlist? Every one of Panama’s self-appointed generals? Out th’ door, ten minutes tops.