October 6th – What did you reckon when you got
married? This is it; this’ll be the one that bucks the trend and lasts forever?
Certainly, the longer you stay together the less chance there is that you’ll
split…that sort of reads stupid doesn’t it? I mean, if you stay together then
you’re not divorced, are you? I’ve misread that haven’t I, I can tell by your
shaking head and you mouthing;
What a fuckwit
silently? Anyway, I’ll plough on regardless…humour me. The
thing is if you can stay together for ten years then you have a 4% chance of
divorcing after that, if its 30 years then you have a 2% chance and if its
forty years then it’s a 0.5% chance. 40 years of marriage…Jesus, that’s more
than you get for murder and they call that life. Whatever, today, before
they’ve been married 20 years 34% of couples will be divorced… that’s 1 in 3.
It’s only just occurred to me but I figure you’ve spotted the bad side of this
haven’t you? If anyone who reads this is due to get married… Not exactly
bedtime reading is it, but then, you have to read the opener again to have your
faith restored; trust me, yours will be the one…I know it…honest…
However, apart from these above, smug bastards, for the 34%
of us that don’t make it to the bran-tub of good partnership choices, at what
point did we realise it was all going Pete Tong? It took 15 years for me which,
in the scheme of the available data, bucked the trend but in a bad way, but you
gotta hand it to folk like Kim Kardashian. She bucked the trend in a big way as
her marriage lasted all of 72 days before she flicked her hubby the bird and
departed the love-nest; hardly had time to work out what he liked for
breakfast, I reckon. Maybe it’s some sleb competition we’re unaware of ’cos
Carmen Electra (who dreams these names up?) and her hubby…well ex-hubby…Dennis
Rodman. After having the luxury of sitting back and considering their choice
the happy couple decided they’d made a mistake and called it a day…well 9 days
actually; that doesn’t even give you a chance to find out whether your partner
has milk in their tea for breakfast. Mind you, both the foregoing can be
considered positively ancient nuptials compared to our lass Britney. Ms Spears’
marriage to her childhood friend, Jason Alexander was over within 55
hours…forgive me but, dunno about breakfast likings, my guess is she hardly had
time to discover whether he was circumcised or not…
OK so we’ve dipped our toe in the shark-infested sea of
marriage-longevity and discovered that mistakes can be made when picking a
partner for life; and, let’s face it, we can all be fooled once. The burning
question then is how many times would you get married before you thought to
yourself
Fuck this for a game of
bridesmaids; I’m chuckin’ in the towel.
Once? Twice? Who’s been married twice? Hold up your hands.
Mine’s aloft. Yours? Excellent. So how about three times married/twice
divorced? Anybody any advance on that? Four times anyone? Dwindling off to just
a handful of hardened individuals now, I’d guess (hope). So, how about…er…six
times then. Anybody? Six? I can still see a couple of hands up (and wouldn’t
you like to know who they are) so, let’s get into professional territory. How
about eight times? Anybody? Thought not… ah, wait a minute, who’s that…ah, Elizabeth
No comments:
Post a Comment