Kenny Rogers - a dangerous man

October 28^th – I guess it’s a sign of the times this predisposition to calling in the lawyers for just about everything…the blame culture is how it’s euphemistically labelled. There was a time… (“FM! Here he goes again…”)…well, that’s as maybe but just sit you down and shut up; y’ might learn summat…there was a time when people actually took responsibility for themselves, y’ know, as in;

If I walk straight over the top of that man-hole I’m gonna fall in it and do myself an injury so, tell you what, here’s novel, I’ll walk round it….

Health and Safety has a lot to answer for, in its use and misuse. For example:

If I erect a scaffold work-tower for myself and others to work from then it’s to be expected that I will take care in assembling it so that I and others are not harmed if it should collapse; and I should also ensure that those people who do use it use it responsibly… And that’s where the change-over comes, where it swaps from my responsibility to your responsibility; right there.

See, I can take all the precautions I like, assemble the scaff-tower perfectly and ensure that certificates and training for both it and the users is all in order, but no matter how much care I’ve taken, if I miss the alignment of the wing-nut on the second tier of the strengthening bars it could go all tits. ‘Cos then it’s possible that some…arse…decides that, contrary to all he’s/she’s been taught, it’d be a cool thing to slide down the outside of the tower, or jump off’f the second-last platform and, in so doing catches his/her jumper on the sticking-out part of the wing-nut…and causes the tower to collapse bringing it and his mate (who’s still at the top) crashing down on top of him…where does the blame lie then? Back in the day?  Him. Now? Me. An abrogation of one’s culpability in a given situation; sue his ass…contact Lawyers are for Themselves and away we go. How bad does it get?

H&S fears stopped people bumping into each other at a Butlins in Skegness…in dodgem cars.

H&S fears stopped women throwing their knickers at a Tom Jones impersonator in case he slipped on them whilst strutting his stuff.

H&S fears stopped Humberside firemen from using ladders as it breached the working at height regulations.

H&S fears stopped council members moving their own chairs in case they injured themselves; they had to call on a member of the council’s portering staff to do it for them as they’d been trained in chair transference.

H&S fears stopped a charity shop from selling knitting needles in case…

H&S fears banned knives from a kitchen in case…

H&S fears banned boiled sweets on aeroplanes in case…

H&S fears banned the use of bath floor mats in case someone tripped on them…

H&S fears banned yo-yos in school in case…

The list is endless and although most of these rulings have been overturned the point is that, in first instance there was never a decision to rationalise it just ban it. WGM.

What this sort of thinking has done is breed a new kind of Homo sapiens; Injury Lawyer Man. At the first sign of a raised kerb-stone, piece of overripe lettuce in a sandwich, spilt cup of coffee or poor stitching on a pair of jeans folk will reach for their Injury Lawyer and, brandishing him/her like a gun, threaten all and sundry with dire consequences should they not feel that the £20,000 injury payout they’ve been offered is sufficient to cover their pain and suffering. This is, in a way, slightly amusing but has its downside, as always.

What has been prevalent for years now is the staged accident where some guy (alone in his car) drives into you (who are also alone in your car) at, say, a traffic island, and then is immediately joined by two other compatriots who claim to have been in the car at the time of the accident, have serious whiplash injuries and are all taking photos and phoning police with gay abandon…and it’s far, far more prevalent than you think. One guy, only just recently (true story) bribed a bus driver to crash into a car (gently) but before the crash filled the bus with his friends (15 of them, I think) who, on the gentle impact, threw themselves around in the bus screaming and wailing in scam-injury pain that was, in some  cases, worthy of an Oscar. The guy in the car, who was in no way to blame for the collision hadn’t a prayer of dodging this one, there were so many witnesses to his supposed stupid driving as, unluckily for him, the on-board camera malfunctioned at just the right/wrong time (you’ll be pleased to know the cops were on it as they’d clocked the phone calls and arrangements as part of surveillance of the individual concerned in the set-up as he’d got previous in such scams and was under their watchful eye but, all the same, could’ve so easily gone the other way, huh? My advice? Although you’ve probably go a mobile ’phone always carry a camera in your car, preferably one that’s got a date and time stamp built in for the snaps, and take a photo of the driver (preferably whilst he’s still in the car – on his own) collar anyone and everyone nearby to act as witnesses, take detailed shots of everyone and everything that’s involved (car number plate, type, damage) as well as names and addresses of everyone who crawls out the woodwork…BUT FIRST AND FOREMOST; CALL THE COPS: IMMEDIATELY.

And the world of rock is not immune from such outrageous behaviour either. On this day in 1999, Kenny Rogers drifted a Frisbee out into the audience at a concert in Dallas. The Frisbee hit a chandelier. Kevin O’Toole put in a claim against Mr. Rogers stating that the resulting broken glass had scarred his face and ruined his sex life whilst his wife sued Mr. Rogers for deprivation of her rightful services of love and guidance from her husband.

You couldn’t make it up could y’?