Singing used to be a noble pursuit.....

March 1st – Let’s break down the band dynamic a little, examine the worthiness of its various component parts, dissect the logic of it’s musical foundations, explore the commitment quotient of its members…and then all agree that, really, in total honesty, the singer is the one that is the most easily disposable segment, the one that could be gotten rid of with the least amount of fuss, with the least amount of disturbance to the trajectory of ‘the band’. 

What brought this line of thought to fruition was the fact that, on this day in 1966, Gene Clark announced he was leaving The Byrds and, because the band had three other singers they accepted his reason (fear of flying – see January 5th) without equivocation reckoning, probably, that a 25% drop in the band’s tantrum department was a bonus worth picking up. Let’s look at front men in general and assess what two of their necessary attributes should be in order for them to be deserving of that position. 
Codicil – Nothing that follows is in any way meant as a personal attack. These are general comments on the traits apparent in many of the ‘vocalist’ persuasion, not specific toe-to-testicle critiques. Even so, I’m likely to be upsetting A LOT of people here, so those of a sensitive disposition best give this a miss).

1) Must Have Confidence: - Freddie Mercury: often quoted as the archetypal blueprint for what every group requires from a front man (or woman…not to be sexist – for Mr. Mercury, both apply). He certainly had ability with the crowd. I saw Queen at Wembley Arena in 1970-buggered-if-I-know on the ‘We Will Rock You’ tour…the real one, not that appalling shite Ben Elton cobbled together for a musical, the genuine article…and saw them again at Wembley Stadium on the ‘It’s A Kind of Magic’ tour of 198-possibly-6 and he was, on both occasions, on top form BUT…that aside, I find it difficult to comprehend what it must have been like having that size of ego travelling round with you all the time. It must have been like wrestling with an uninvited guest at a dinner party who you would really like to get rid of but know, if you try, that, during their fit of uncontrolled pique and before they are forcibly ejected, they will take a dump in the blancmange and claim that ‘now it’s perfect’… I believe, in Mr Mercury’s case, they used a separate, 45-foot truck to transport his ego around in. It’s difficult enough gaining recognition in the pop world as it is. In my experience the last thing any band requires is someone who thinks that the world (i.e. ‘the band’) will collapse without them that they are, in fact ‘the band’. The energy wasted in trying to contain self-aggrandising vocalists means having someone on board who has more front than Rebecca, the rest of the band tend to get trampled underfoot, and some of its members can get pretty pissed off about such treatment – remember the options considered for Ziggy… I can say, from first-hand knowledge, there’s few things sweeter in this world than putting the band’s singer in his/her place.

2) Must Be Able to Sing – Having a BIG PERSONALITY just doesn't cut it: - Marc Almond: Did anyone on this planet, apart from Marc, think he could actually hold a tune? I well remember, when I first heard Soft Cell’s ‘Tainted Love’ that I had to listen to it a second time because I couldn't quite believe anyone would have the chutzpah to let something like this escape the studio without it undergoing the equivalent recording studio clean up the Aegean stables underwent, obviously (and unfortunately) his was a vocal rendition you couldn't ‘fix in the mix’ even a concrete one. He obviously has talent when it comes to doing edgy work, both in theatre and music, but I reckon you can get away with 'edgy' content when dealing with Jean Cocteau or Jean Genet or experimental rock works, where ‘off-key moments’ can be disguised within the cacophony of experimentation, and it has to be said, ‘Feasting with Panthers’ is a great title for an album…but, in the recording studio? Where a piece of music is being prepared for release into the consciousness of the general public and a lasting impression hoping to be made upon those of a more standard musical education? Call me a bluff old traditionalist but the last thing a vocalist should do is kid him or herself that being a semi-tone out in the easily-readable line of a familiar song’s cycle isn't ‘edgy’…it’s just…well, out of tune.

So, there we have it. The two things that vocalist should have; 1) a confident attitude that doesn't grate on the nerves of the other band members and, 2) a voice. Without either of those two attributes the singer in a band just underlines what most other band members think they are anyway; a whining little shit whose understanding of music is as valid as a tooth brace on a walrus. Enjoy your cuppa…..X!