Reasons to be pretty annoyed with oneself.....

March 27th – I think I would have got on better with Ian Dury if he’d been just a performance poet sort of without the Blockheads. Not that the Blockheads weren't a good band, I’m sure they were, but I never quite got on with their musical interpretations of Dury’s lyrics…his poetry…his lyrical poetry…whatever. Those…words… as a stand-alone? Just excellent. I mean, who can resist the descriptive word-choreography of: - 

“I had a love affair with Nina, in the back of my Cortina,

A seasoned-up hyena could not have been more obscener.”

Magical.

Like John Cooper Clarke, who is every bit as skilled a wordsmith as Dury, possibly even more so, the colour, the texture and sense of place, the time conjured up in their work is tangible. Saw Mr. Cooper Clarke in Wolverhampton, at The Lighthouse, a cinema-cum-entertainment venue, in the company of about ten or a dozen other people…? Couldn't believe it. That a man of his stature doing a well-publicised gig should have an audience barely in double figures. Dury had a bigger following but I’d guess that, too, was a fairly locked-in fan base given his performance persona and theatricality. Did he ever do just readings of his work? Would have gone to that; as it was I never did see him live and I think that was probably my loss (if memory serves, wasn't he treated for his bout of polio in Truro?)

Cut to 2012, when Graeae Theatre put out a call for musicians to audition and take part in a second tour of their acclaimed musical, ‘Reasons to be Cheerful’ which was based on Mr. Dury’s back-catalogue. Well, I could bash a drum in my time so I thought;

“Why not?”

There was no age range required and as I’d worked with Graeae on a couple of projects back when I was at the Arena Theatre in Wolverhampton and so knew their work ethic and philosophy, I figured they’d a be a good company to work for. Anyhow, things led to things and my writing and touring production-manager workload was such that I found myself driving across from Cornwall on the day of the audition in London with a CD of Ian Dury and the Blockheads on the player trying to learn the rhythm patterns as I listened to SatNav tell me where I was going wrong. I got to the audition and was the last one to try out. Went in, introduced myself to three delightful people, sat down and played three of the tunes from the show.

Now, I have to say here and now that, had I been them I wouldn't have touched me with a barge pole. I wasn't well prepared and should have been; I was unfamiliar with the music when I should have learnt it; I was loud (always have been – see March 23rd) and ill-disciplined musically. Anyhow, they were as kind to me as a very kind thing, did the three songs then gave me a;

“Thank you, dear, we’ll let you know.” farewell.

“Well, Peter, you were shit.” I said to myself as I left.

Driving back home, stopped for coffee on the motorway, mobile rings, its Graeae. 

“Yes, Peter, we thought you were shit too.”

Don’t blame them. The tour went ahead and was a storming success for the second time; excellent by all accounts. I didn't get to see it (typical) so, I missed seeing Ian Dury and the Blockheads when he was alive, buggered up the chance to play his stuff in a musical about him after he'd died and failed to see the musical when it came to the theatre in Truro…three strikes and I was out.