Oh, look, it's a Hobbit, I mean a Bobbit.......

April 30th – Remember Mr and Mrs Bobbitt? OK, so their marriage wasn't exactly a bed of roses but y’know, really, I’d have thought a simple;

“Now then, dear, I’d be very grateful if you didn't do that again”

would’ve sufficed; apparently not. Even then, cutting off the end of his offending organ should have been enough of a notification to Wayne that Lorena was, if not exactly pissed off then at least mildly annoyed by his behaviour toward her, but for her to then drive off and lob the knob into a field…? That’s a bit OTT, isn't it? I mean, what would have been the outcome (no pun intended) if a rumbling-tum raccoon in the mood for a bit of gristle had happened along? My guess is the chase involving racoon and Mr. B would have been worthy of a cartoon representation…and all those bits of straw sticking to it after a romp round fifty acres of scrub? Jeeze.

Would you feel the sensation as the concerned medics scrubbed it clean, it being such an intimate part of your anatomy…you know, like when you lose a leg but can still feel the foot? I mean, the poor bugger, thirty miles away, minding his own, could’ve been trying to urinate when they started to rub the detached end in an effort to make it presentable and he’d ‘ave shot piss all over the place, and through no fault of his own…well, not quite no fault of his own, but still.

What’s this got to do with anything? Well, the infamous Bobbitt case came to mind when I read that, on this day in 1970, Twiggs Lyndon, one-time rock road-manager, had been arrested for stabbing a club manager to death over a contract dispute and that’s what made me think of the Bobbitt’s and the sometime extreme reasons folk use for committing crimes. You see, although, at her trial, Lorena Bobbitt said she was abused both sexually and physically by Wayne (and I’m sure she was and I wouldn't wish that on anyone). Notwithstanding that, on the night of her arrest for the shortening exercise, she told police;

“He always have orgasm, and he doesn't wait for me to have orgasm. He’s selfish.”

With that as the central pillar to her defence she was found not guilty of sexually wounded Wayne. Wow…

Now, I thought that was a top-trumps excuse until Mr. Lyndon, in his defence, said that at the time of the fatal stabbing he was suffering from temporary insanity caused by being the tour manager for the Allman Brothers Band: and he got off with it! Now I know the story of The Allman Brother’s Band reads like a car-crash but all the same…

There’s a life-lesson right there, folks. It would seem that sex and drugs and rock ‘n’ roll can not only destroy your life it can also ride to your rescue.

As for Lorena Bobbitt’s initial reason? Word to the wise, fellas; foreplay consists of more than just dumping your underpants in the laundry basket.

You've been warned.