August 9th – Taking on the role of Agony Aunt (I
think I’ll call myself Uncle Gawp…a
sort of very dodgy Agony Uncle) I’d like to pass on a bit of wisdom (I stole
his flat cap from a film set in the 60’s) to all who read this stuff of
mine…yes, all three of you.
There’s probably nothing quite as gullible as a woman in
love, and there’s probably nothing as stupid as a man (or woman – no taboos
here) who thinks he/she can fool a woman who’s in love with him/her (you can
swap that round for his/his to achieve sexual neutrality, I just can’t be
arsed…whoopsssss…deliberate Freudian slip alarm; neither can I write about the
obverse, ‘there’s probably nothing quite as gullible as a man in love’ ‘cos
more often than not it aint applicable). There we are, most bases covered, a
statement of intent made as to the next forty-or-so lines and probably a plummet
in the number of readers of this blurb of mine by about 60%...oh, OK, 80% then…
OK, it’s question-time. How long do you think it would take
you to work out to the point when you really
knew, that your partner was being unfaithful? In a heartbeat; in a week; a
month…inside of 7 years? (I’ll come back to this in a bit). Most people, of
either sex and in stable relationships…(that’s as in secure not as in horse; I
want to be completely PC but draw the line at bestiality)…most people, of
either sex and in stable relationships believe they would pick up the signs and
signals early; that they’d just know something was wrong…oh, really? Most
people who have been through a break up caused by the involvement of a third
person (or a group of third persons) certainly with those that I know, were, by
and large, the last one to find out, even when the writing was on a wall
opposite their house and ten-feet tall…in day-glo paint…and spot lit during the
hours of darkness…with a 5k SuperTrooper. I think, post affair, it’s the trust
thing that suffers the biggest plummet in any relationship ‘cos without that
there’s nowt, so you invest, you lay yourself open to fulfilment (which is
often just on the ragged edge of embarrassment) and plan the rest of your life
with him or her. When (if) it goes tits there’s often a real and genuine
element of surprise at the time of the discovery; that also goes with the
territory. You see, in order to be fooled you have to trust and believe. That’s
how magicians and street tricksters, con-men and grifters ply their trade; they
prey on your all-believing vulnerability; you only see what was behind the
smoke and mirrors when they’ve left.
It’s only later that you begin to see what you missed and
what really was, when you really analyse it, that spot-lit day-glo mural
outside the window; it’s only then you smack the palm of your hand against your
forehead and say
‘You dummy.’.
But don’t punish yourself for your lapse in perspicacity;
you’re not the first and you sure as hell won’t be the last. Rather, learn from
it, promise yourself you’ll never be so naive again, never so short sighted,
that you’ll enter into the next relationship with both eyes wide open, both
feet on the ground and the benefit of hindsight and learning, right up to the
point where you fall in love again…
Remember that arbitrary time span I gave you earlier,
remember? That one about when you really knew your partner was being
unfaithful…inside of 7 years? You’d reckon that the higher the profile the more
chance of being found out if you actually were guilty of doing anything wrong.
I mean, a starlet or famestud only has to take time out to visit a hostelry
somewhere and have just a little too much to drink or be seen outside wearing
the wrong pair of jeans to find the paparazzi are all over him/her like
shingles, so it’s one would imagine it would be highly unlikely they’d be able
to escape discovery of something really juicy… On this day in 1993, Lionel
Richie’s divorce finally came through and he was able to sign off on his
college sweetheart and first wife, Brenda Harvey and move in with the lady he’d
been having a secret affair with…for seven years. Seven years; Lionel Richie;
seems love really is blind, y’know?
No comments:
Post a Comment