May 14th – A series of unfortunate events… well two actually.
1) Friend of Margaret Thatcher, Ronald Reagan, was hardly
noted for his perspicacity and garrulousness which, for an actor is quite
something. As an actor I always found it difficult to pin-point just where he
ended and the kitchen table began but I know that there are those who consider
him an OK cowboy so… Anyhow, you’d think that, as
leader of the then most powerful nation on earth, it would make him an all-star
guy but to me he always seemed to be just one pigeon short of a pie in his
public appearances which is, as I've mentioned, for an actor quite something.
Why do you think they tried to assassinate him? Not a statement, I hasten to add, I meant it as a genuine enquiry. I mean, was it because he was an informant for the FBI on Hollywood, or was it his finest hour when giving his lines to the HUAC against his fellow film-folk that decided the make-up and special effects departments on getting their own back? Whatever it was, they came damn near to sorting him out; it was only quick action by the security services that prevented Mr. Hinckley from claiming his own personal victory. What sort of a guy? Well, Mr. Hinckley was thrown OUT of the American Nazi Party for being, too violent…I kid you not; so quite a handful then.
Why do you think they tried to assassinate him? Not a statement, I hasten to add, I meant it as a genuine enquiry. I mean, was it because he was an informant for the FBI on Hollywood, or was it his finest hour when giving his lines to the HUAC against his fellow film-folk that decided the make-up and special effects departments on getting their own back? Whatever it was, they came damn near to sorting him out; it was only quick action by the security services that prevented Mr. Hinckley from claiming his own personal victory. What sort of a guy? Well, Mr. Hinckley was thrown OUT of the American Nazi Party for being, too violent…I kid you not; so quite a handful then.
But all that aside, Mr. Reagan is the
guy who mistook Bolivia for Brazil, thought facts
are stupid things (misquoting a famous quote) called Gerald Ford a
Communist (when he meant Congressman…an actor who’s supposed to be able to
learn lines). And he was also prone to the odd gaffe or two in his choice of
worthy subjects; well he befriended Thatcher for a start so… On this day in
1985, he presented Michael Jackson with the Presidential Humanitarian Award for
his work against drunk driving. However, later altercations Mr. Jackson had
with the forces of law and order sort of soured this touching ceremony. I mean,
who in the room right now didn't think, certainly from 1980 onwards, that Mr.
Jackson was a blue touch paper popster? Thought so; no-one. Yet here we had a
President, surrounded by the brightest the US
2) As an aside, and not wishing to
renege on a promise but not wishing to cause embarrassment, I recount as
briefly as possible the tale of the musician and the flat-roof f**k; only the
names have been changed to protect the innocent.
The Plaza Old Hill, Brum, had a dance
floor on the upper storey. At the rear of the stage were a large room (communal
dressing room for the common folk – i.e. support bands) and a more intimate space
(private dressing room for stars). This smaller room had access to the flat
roof outside by way of a fire escape door at the rear. This bitumen-covered
roof had a row of half-house bricks running around its outside edge; no barrier
of any kind. In fact all that stopped one from falling off it was knowing how
close to the edge one was and a carful monitoring of one’s balance; drink and
other substances didn’t help in this matter. On the
night in question…now I thought it was on the night we were supporting Amen
Corner but, on reflection it may not have been ‘cos the support bands had the
run of this smaller dressing room, so… Whatever, support band number one was
due on stage and the musicians duly assembled side-stage in order to make their
grand entrance to tumultuous indifference.
“Where’s the bass player?” is the question repeated oft and anon. No reply until.
“Where’s the bass player?” is the question repeated oft and anon. No reply until.
“I think I saw him go out on the roof
with some girl,” says a helpful,
other support band musician.
A voice from the record player
side-stage announces the band!
First support band musician rushes back into the big dressing room, on through the small dressing room, flings open the escape door to see said musician lying atop said scantily-clad lass, no doubt taking her temperature.
“Come on, ‘*****’, for fuck’s sake, we’re on!”
First support band musician rushes back into the big dressing room, on through the small dressing room, flings open the escape door to see said musician lying atop said scantily-clad lass, no doubt taking her temperature.
“Come on, ‘*****’, for fuck’s sake, we’re on!”
Scantily-clad lass at one moment
staring into the probably bulging but nonetheless loving eyes of her suitor now
finds herself staring at the open sky (think stars-moon-June-spoon) as our
intrepid hero rolls off the mattress of her well-fed frame in order to answer
the call to arms and disappears from sight and, as he’d rolled the wrong way,
him not thinking and obviously being in the latter stages of true love, his
disappearance was complete.
Falling twenty foot onto the alleyway
below, breaking his arm and severely bruising his pride in the process meant he
was unfit to play that evening; his trousers still round his ankles also made
him unfit to stand up and so he became the centre of interest of several
females who were taking a medicine break round the back in that same alleyway.
Ambulances and laughter were all that were needed to sort things out…no harm done and with this being pre-pill/pre AIDS days and the heat of battle often precluding the use of a condom, my guess is his valiant use of his own eccentric version of coitus interruptus was much appreciated by his colleague…? No? Oh, OK…
Oh, and, as a further aside; on this day in 1925, Al Porcino was born; is this Al Pacino’s older, fatter brother?
Ambulances and laughter were all that were needed to sort things out…no harm done and with this being pre-pill/pre AIDS days and the heat of battle often precluding the use of a condom, my guess is his valiant use of his own eccentric version of coitus interruptus was much appreciated by his colleague…? No? Oh, OK…
Oh, and, as a further aside; on this day in 1925, Al Porcino was born; is this Al Pacino’s older, fatter brother?
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