Oh, THAT Frank Zappa!

February 8th – Now, I’m not one to be backward in coming forward when it comes to highlighting behaviour of the toss-pot variety, but I also believe that: - 

1) Credit should be given when it’s due – even if you think the person you are giving the credit to is a slithey little toad who, if you saw them on fire in the street you’d throw petrol over them.

2) Those in employment should have earned the right to hold that employment from a premise that strays outside of nepotism, social upbringing, sexual proclivity or the ability to pay back.

Both the above come with the following codicil: - 

Appendix A) Stupidity in all its forms should come under inspection and be advertised and branded as stupid for the stupid behaviour that it is regardless of the level of stupidity.

Politicians…(here he goes again)…politicians are the case in point. How can a person who’s got a first in Classics from Cambridge possibly be considered as the right person to be appointed as minister for the environment? Discuss. Well, my guess is the same rule of thumb was used to appoint the grade-one pillock who booked Frank Zappa into the Royal Albert Hall in 1972 then had to cancel (on this day) because he/she/it discovered that the lyrics for his ‘200Motels’ album were in some way obscene…?

“Who? Frank Zappa? Him who’s been producing socially sensitive albums for x years? Oh, THAT Frank Zappa?”

How do you think the head RAH guy finally reached that particular lightening bolt of learning? Certainly not by perusing the back-catalogue of Mr. Zappa’s work; not by familiarising themselves with Mr. Zappa’s anti-nationalist, anti-jingoistic, ‘Brown Shoes Don’t make It’, Suzy Creamcheese ethos; not by reading his lyrics and writings in order to understand his political and social stances BEFORE he booked the band that’s for sure.

But that’s what you get when you put out-of-touch people into cutting-edge positions. Much like the way modern English cricket was being run until very recently; where some moustachioed brigadier who was pretty good with a howitzer in the 14-18 war was seconded onto the board because he went to Sandhurst and played for their 1st XI, batting at No. 2 which, apparently, qualified him to assist in calling the tune when it came to player selection of a game that was so different from the one he was involved in that he may just as well have come from the planet Tharg but whose inclusion added to the ineptitude which sent the English cricket team into the doldrums for years! MCC (My Chums Chum) where the cut of your jib seemed to be so much more important than whether you could actually bat or bowl or, indeed knew anything about cricket. 

Well, my guess is that was how the RAH was run back then (and now). There’d be some suit or other who happened to get the head-honcho job there because he went to school – Eton – with ‘Spiffy’ Matheson (who happened to be in charge of RAH staffing) and was a member of the upper sixth’s chamber orchestra and whipping club so that automatically put him in line to run a music venue; and that’s all it is by the way; big? Yes Expensive? Yes, but still just a venue. So, when this clot decided to back-track on the appearance of Mr. Zappa, he would probably have his idiocy backed up by others, who’s jib would also be cut from a familiar material to a pattern that fitted because, of course, they really didn't want some scruffy, drug-scoffing oik (Frank never used them, drugs) within the hallowed halls where the Proms were held... where people sang ‘Land of Hope and Glory’, cheered on mighty Albion for its contribution to the world of fair-play and decent treatment for foreigners for goodness sake! That this Zappa thing really wasn't what the RAH should be promoting; like inviting the Levellers to play at a hunt ball. So the gig was cancelled and the status quo maintained…for a while…