Elvis van Kuijk

December 21^st – They say behind every great man is a great woman, not so in the case of Elvis Presley; I wonder how he’d have got along without Andreas Cornelis (Dries) van Kuijk?

When impeached ex-president Nixon finally got his just deserts after Watergate was anyone surprised? There were many who considered that it should have been him and not John F. Kennedy in that car in that parade in Dallas; I’m not so sure, certainly following the revelations surrounding Mr. Kennedy’s lifestyle and peccadilloes. Not that I have bad vibes about him, Mr. Kennedy. To me politicians of all hues and ideologies are, in the vast majority not a race to be trusted; someone called them legalised gangsters. Too harsh? To take liberties with W.S. and butcher a quote from his Julius Caesar;

The good these men do is often obscured by their shenanigans which eventually leads them on to really fuck things up

I bet Bill wishes he’d written that, so much more eloquent than the wordy crap he came out with.

You have to wonder at the arrogance of those in high office who have the luxury of a 30 or 50 year rule, about the things they’ve done whilst in power, you know, like those foreign chappies who pass a law that removes any possibility of them being prosecuted for blatantly breaking the law. Well the 30/50 year gig gagging order is exactly the same. It exonerates them from all prosecution and allows them to play fast-and-loose with a nation and its peoples. We all know the Iraq war was illegal, we had it on paper that the NATO resolution wasn’t given and that lies and obfuscation were applied on a daily basis; has anyone been prosecuted? Has anyone come near to being prosecuted? Nope. Now Bliar is the Middle East peace envoy (there’s an oxymoron of the highest order) and ex-president Dubya is relaxing on a stipend of $3m per annum, charges around $200,000 per speech and is on the verge of gaini9ng further reward if the US is foolish enough to elect his son into high office. Both the above gained rewards for wrongdoing in my book but we’ll never know the extent of that for another 50 years…if ever.

Mr. Nixon was in the same league. A man of little intellect but massive fancy footwork, he managed to trip the light fantastic for years and it was only after Messer’s Woodward and Bernstein fucked him over with Watergate was he forced to step down. His life didn’t turn out so bad even after David Frost got him to admit his wrong doings and apologise on live TV for his misdemeanours…the misdemeanours that had ramped up an unwinnable war in Vietnam and cost the lives of, what, thousands of America’s young men. Prison? Fines? Loss of kickbacks? Nope. You or me? 5 billion years in the slammer on bread and water. Mr. Nixon. Lecture circuit. Development of US ties with China as a special envoy… Happy retirement, Mr. Ex-President.

Andreas van Kuijk showed a rare skill in fancy footwork too as he dodged the powers that be in the US. A shifty con man from the fairground, who was a murder suspect and an illegal alien, he changed his name to Tom Parker in the call up for WW2, because to do otherwise might uncover his illegality. After demob and on the lookout for a way to employ his hard-sell abilities, he came across a young man named Elvis Presley and saw an opportunity to use his fairground skills. He gradually became the driving, guiding force behind Mr. Presley and worked things so well that at one time he was taking 50% of everything his protégé earned. On hearing of Mr. Presley’s death his one overriding concern was to protect the image (and earning potential) of The King and got Mr. Presley senior to sign over all the marketing and management of…well, of a dead man really. Probably the last words should go to Priscilla Presley when she attended her ex’s funeral:

Elvis and the Colonel made history together, and the world is richer, better and far more interesting because of their collaboration. And now I need to locate my wallet, because I noticed there was no ticket booth on the way in here, but I’m sure that the Colonel must have arranged for some toll on the way out.

On this day in 1970 Elvis Presley met Richard Nixon in the Oval Office of the White House where they shook hands for a photo op. It’s hard to work out who made the most on the royalties of that one. My money’s on Col. Tom Parker…

FOURTH DESERT ISLAND DISC – Not in any particular order and as at 15/10/13

4) Waltzing Matilda – Composed by Eric Bogle 1971 – Recorded by June Tabor 1976 as part of her album Airs and Graces.

A Scottish hymn about Australian soldiers fighting Turks in Gallipoli in a world-wide war. A sublime, unaccompanied voice that, every time I hear it, refreshes my own convictions about war (and those who persecute it) as an act of diplomacy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEMcLcGJ79s