Sick Club 7

June 2^nd – There are days that don’t get any better; they are perfect in every way…or so you think.

So, S Club 7…whaddya reckon? High-five from me if you think they’re a merchandising opportunity peddled by a cynical marketing group whose only nod to talent and honesty is seen at the bank. A brand-band, they were and are still a vision of what the pop industry can become if we let it. They were created, after a 10,000 strong audition cycle…10,000! Jesus! And they still they managed to scrape together a heap of shit…they were created after a 10,000 strong audition cycle by Simon Fuller the perfect Frankenstein pop-freak. And while we’re on the subject; Simon. What is it with Simon’s that cause the integrity of music to be fucked over? Simon Fuller – Simon Cowell – Simon King…oh…OK, maybe not that last one…oh, or…maybe…now I'm not sure. Whatever, the name has a lot to answer for and Mr. Fuller more than most. Not only did he create this clot of plastic people who were just a modernisation of The Monkees but he also created the opportunity for High School Musical and Glee to be written on the back of this group’s success; if that doesn't damn you to hell then I’d like to know what does.

Bands, or at least bands with integrity and talent, are usually formed by friends at school or friends at uni or friends that you happen to meet and realise you have a similar taste in music. You get together, rehearse, do the circuit, cut your chops and tighten the act in the hundreds of pubs and clubs you play where the high quality of your music is only matched by the high level of indifference of your audience. But this is where the bonds are formed, where the reputation is garnered, polished and streamlined, like an off-off West End play before the transfer to London. This is what gives your band truth, honesty and identity, and we hear these stories of bands made good after years of work and we appreciate their input and the story they have to tell…then along come bands like S Club 7 and the whole belief is laid to waste as, like the beginnings of Punk, we are taught that the last thing required for a band to succeed is talent and hard work; all it takes is money.

The members of S Club 7 cemented their group dynamic after the last member was chosen (note to reader: No glasses, no buck teeth, no acne, no overweight – not even slightly – the perfect mix so as to cover all the bases and with an eye on the U.S market. The marshmallow check-list scans like a bland band brand.

Girl-power reflection?  Four girls - tick 

Minority grouping to reflect the overload in the rock business of being an

all-male club? Three boys - tick 

Cosmopolitan equality? One black guy - tick 

South/North reflection? Three blonde hair, three dark hair, one mid coloured (ideal for those shampoo ads) – tick

In touch with the ‘now’ culture and ready to transfer to the U.S.? 
All in sneakers, black guy with headband and vest (stereotypical sporty-basketball-USA) – tick

The members of S Club 7 cemented their group dynamic by being flown to Italy to get to know each other (Italy? What’s wrong with Doncaster) but they obviously didn't bond as well as they might ‘cos three of the band members got busted for cannabis possession…and here’s the thing. Messer’s Cattermole, Lee and McIntosh got busted for using a drug and so their sponsors (Cadbury and Pepsi) threatened to drop them (I’d like to think from a cruising 747) because this was sending the wrong message to kids…WTF? So, only good things in chocolate and Pepsi then are there? Right. Thanks for that. Get the kids scoffing sugar, chocolate and fizzy drinks in preference to…? To what exactly? Freakin’ world gone mad.

So, on this day in 2002, when the news was announced that S Club 7 member Hannah Spearitt (that can’t be her real name can it?) was quitting the group because her boyfriend, Paul Cattermole, had already left them (that’s so wrong on so many levels, isn't it, or is this just me?) Anyway, this announcement caused me to believe that this was the beginning of the end for this blasphemy of a band…a perfect day in every way, which was also wrong on so many levels. Since that day we've been richly rewarded for our folly by endless re-releases and reunions of both them and their body of work…and I use those last three words in their widest possible sense.