March 10th – Vocalists…dontcha just luvv’em…? I've nattered
on about this facet of the band dynamic before. Speaking purely from the
drummer’s perspective I've never seen the need for them (is that a bit harsh)? In
the modern make-up of bands, on the vocals front, most if not all other members
of the band can sing, can they not? So, cut out the dedicated singing and, in
essence, all you’re left with is someone who gets in everyone else’s way and jiggles
about a bit. It’s a bit like the difference between actors and technicians: in
theatre, an actor without technicians is just a naked person standing in the
dark trying to emote: a technician without actors is a person with marketable
skills. Well twist that adage into band parlance and it reads, a singer without
a band is someone who stands by a piano someone else is playing and squawks at
parties; a band without a dedicated singer is…well, is Rush.
Singers, in the main, are much like
the wrapping paper round the presents we get at Christmas; bright and sparkly
to attract one’s attention but destined for the bin within ten seconds of the
parcel being unwrapped; a true story to illustrate.
One of the bands I was in, The Image,
were supporting The Foundations in Brum, probably in 1967 ‘cos they were No.1
at the time and so touring on the back of that success. We were booked with
them to appear at the Plaza Handsworth to a sell-out crowd (for them, not us,
as if you hadn’t guessed) and I seem to have memories of our band being
escorted out of Handsworth by the police after causing a near riot. Why?
Because of the antics of our vocalist, that’s why. Just the facts, Ma’am, only
the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
The evening started badly mainly ‘cos
our vocalist decided to do two unannounced and unrehearsed things for that
night’s show.
1) Smash up a speaker cabinet on stage
and mid gig by using a lead-based mic stand like an axe,
and,
2) Get completely out of his head by
the liberal application of vodka before going on stage to smash up that speaker
cabinet by using a lead-based mic stand like an axe.
How drunk? Well, suffice to say that
his long-suffering girlfriend found him well into his second bottle with a
semi-clad lassie...(‘lady’ not ‘collie-dog’ you understand, he wasn't that drunk)...a semi-clad lassie sat on his lap in a corner of our dressing room. Her slap to the vocalist’s
head knocked them both bustle over bonnet off’f the stool they were balanced on
and his condition was such that he was unable to get up off’f the floor
through his own efforts. Did the rest of the band help? Nope, but we registered our concern by bursting into peals of hysterical laughter, albeit mixed with
some concern as to the state of his inebriation and our forthcoming appearance on stage.
Come the gig, we’re doing OK
considering that, at the top of our show and at the point where our vocalist
was meant to storm to the front of the stage and launch into the lyrics, he made
three futile attempts to grab the mic, missing his opening stanza by some margin…never
mind, he did manage to lay hold of it eventually and he caught us up; bless.
Anyhow, long story short, come the ‘unbeknownst to the other band members, violence against the speaker cabinet’ section
of the night’s entertainment, the vocalist swings the mic stand over his head,
the suction part of the bottom end suctions-off and the remaining, now free short-chrome-stick-and-5lb-lead-base skittled off at 30 mph into the
audience... its trajectory was only halted by the chest of an avid follower of
The Foundations. Result? All hell breaks loose, gangs invade the stage, some
more of the equipment is trashed (also unrehearsed) and my drums are only saved
by the quick action of my girlfriend of the time, who I shoved on stage as I left it, dragging my kit off and down behind
the drum riser... What, my action was less than chivalrous? Look, there was a method to my
madness. That these Foundation’s followers were rough was beyond question but,
in the main, they didn't hit girls…OK, OK, point taken…I'm not proud of it, OK? Whatever: Police
called, shattered equipment bundled, along with the band, into the van and a
police escort out of town…
Now, none of this would've happened
were it not for our delightful, open-hearted, drunken, womanising, vocalist. So when, in 1984, on this day, Ian Gillan said the reason he left as vocalist for
Black Sabbath was because he was the worst singer they ever had…well, case proved, but I think I and every other
musician can offer stiff competition.
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