Lionel Richie versus Gorilla

June 29^th – OK, folks, it’s quiz time! Yes, again…alright, alright… repetition is often a sign of popularity y’know, so live with it…! See how quickly you can guess the song’s title, the band name, the album name and who the album was dedicated to…oh, and the year the original album was released from the following opening lyrics. Partial answers count as a fail, I demand it all!

“Hi there, nice to be with you, glad you could stick around. Like to introduce ‘Legs’ Larry Smith, drums,

And Sam Spoons, rhythm pole…”

Any good? OK, another two hints.

1) Roy Spear was born on this day in 1943 (DON’T go rushing off to Wikii, help stave off dementia and try to recall it) and

2) It’s an interesting cast list that follows those opening stanzas. Answer tomorrow…

As a lead off from the lines that followed that opening, and which you will be no doubt frantically Googling right now, there’s a certain perverseness to the world of PC and offensive behaviour that’s surfaced over the past, oh, 30 years, I guess? So much has been banned now in the name of bad taste, f’rinstance, where would we be now without the Butthole Surfers? How would life look without their titles for albums such as Hairway to Steven and Rembrandt Pussyhorse?

When I was stage manager at the Arena Theatre in Wolverhampton, I well remember a show called Taboo. It was done by Theatre de Complicite, I believe, a one-man show, and it opened up with a blank stage then faintly, in the distance, was heard music; opera music. After a short while for the music to establish itself a man, a naked man dressed only in a tied strait-jacket and walking backwards, appeared U/S/R. It was obvious he was pulling something behind him which, after a short while turned out to be a ghetto-blaster on a skateboard the end of which was attached to a piece of string…the end of which was attached to his penis. Great opening to a show; certainly got the audiences’ attention.

In stand-up there seems to be a requirement for bad language and foul descriptions of the human condition. For folk like Jimmy Carr and Jethro and Kevin ‘Bloody’ Wilson it’s their trade mark routine; what they’re known for, what the punters come out to hear. No problem with that, nothing I would stir from out my armchair for (’cept maybe to reach for the remote) but a lot of folk do; Mr. Carr, in particular, does two shows a night and sells out both…every time. If swearing is part of the gig then I prefer the more artistic type as done by Bill Hicks or (although I have some reservations through my past contact with him…quiet at the back there!) Eddie Izzard, and from the modern crop of funny men Peter Kaye makes me laugh, and there’s very little bad language in his work, but usually the ‘f’ word is now par for the course…or coarse; did you see what I did there? Huh?

We’d all like to figure that no new slant on the sexual innuendo-peaceful passer-by harassment-fuck-wit-on-a-stick incident is possible; not now we’re civilised and we’ve got the laws and the sociology sorted; but there’s no end to human kinds’ inventiveness when it comes to being an arse; hence the need for so many reminders of just how not to behave. There was also a lovely double-switch that happened and I’m sure you’re all aware of it, so it’ll make the telling easier. It was that incident in Swansea, what, a year or so ago? CCTV cameras followed three piss-heads down the street of a Friday night as they harassed and threatened passers by with their gleeful antics (Ha-Ha! How we laughed at their un-original swearing and un-enlightened drunken, boorish behaviour). Anyhow, as the security cameras showed, towards then past them, walked two, what they figured were, transvestite gents out for an evening of enjoyment. Long story short: they threatened the trannies who turned out to be two professional cage-fighters on their way to a fancy dress party… If you’ve not seen it take a look on Youtube; it’ll warm the cockles of your heart.

The other side of that example of natural justice took place on this day in 1988 when Lionel Richie's wife, Brenda, was arrested for assault after allegedly striking her husband after finding him in bed with another woman. On the scale of natural justice evinced in the Swansea Trannie incident referred to above, what your average comedian can get away with in front of a mixed audience nowadays and the changes of acceptable reaction/action from then to now, Mr. Richie is lucky his misdemeanour took place in the 80’s. Today she’d be entitled to cut his bollocks off to the ringing applause of the multitude and exhibit them on the nearest lamppost…NOT that I recommend this as suitable punishment, you understand; one has to retain a modicum of decorum in these circumcisions, sorry; circumstances.