Of course, the events described in the closing passage of Chapter 1 can hardly be termed “democratic”; it reads much too much like the way modern U.K. government works to be that. No, we have to move on, and so, to further the political tale on a little and in order not get too bogged down with pre-history………I mean, how much conversation concerning tax cuts and the free market economy can you have with a semi-human who’s knuckles’ still drag along the floor………we’ll leap forward a millennia or two from the above dawn of human life on earth, safe in the knowledge that they are well on their way to at least forming a fledgling democracy.
The first tribes or groups of hominids had, by cave-man times, worked out it was better to co-operate than live a single, precarious and lonely existence. To begin with, there was a greater chance of sex with a group of people than with oneself, for although masturbation is not to be underestimated as a sexual experience (after all it’s having sex with someone you love) too much of it does make the knees and eyesight weaker and, if over-indulgence takes place, can cause certain physiological changes; in such a condition, any prey larger than a dik-dik would present serious challenges for the solo hunter. No, if prey is to be, nay has to be pursued and caught, then a mob of blood-thirsty, club-wielding, gentlemen would stand a far greater chance of tackling that doe-eyed beast and avoiding damage to themselves than would our lone hero sporting poor eyesight, severely damaged knees and a sore knob. It must also be said, should a large carnivore appear on the scene alerted by the kafuffle engendered by the chase (ever the opportunists, carnivores, y’ know) there was always the chance that you and/or your companions of the hunt, when cornered, could frighten the beast away with a concerted group effort; or failing that divert the big-cat’s ire onto one of the least-able in the group whilst the rest made their escape; in other words, the first recorded instance of tactical voting.
Now, all this scampering about the bushes and vigorous exercise would certainly lead to men of brick-shithouse stature, and as is always the case in any community some would be more brick than shithouse. To be a well-built specimen a la chasse in such a group meant one could gain access to the most females, the biggest share of the available food and the cosiest sleeping place. Not necessarily in that order but certainly as near a perfect existence as one could hope for, given the brutality and built-in shortness of 'life-before-Pot-Noodle' that was pre-history; but the bullies didn't have it all their own way. To be a lesser specimen but rather cleverer than your companions also paid dividends as all sorts of tricks and wheezes could be used to gain the biggest share of the available birds, bread and beer. Such individuals as these became the ancestor of our modern-day politicians. However, back then, being big and strong meant you could annihilate your way out of sticky situations or another, seemingly well educated (we're not talking Harvard here, you understand) tribe member extracting the urine. However, if you were cunning enough, you could bamboozle this tank on legs but make no mistake, aspiring to leadership and being slight of build did have its downside…………just ask any 8-stone weakling with a double first from Cambridge who’s been approached by his petite younger sister in a pub who tells you, “There’s this chap and he won’t leave me alone, can you go and talk to him”. Donning your best Sir Lancelot pose you march across the pub only to find you’re facing something that resembles a gorilla with speech whose idea of a good meal is something that’s still moving; qualities of leadership and great debating skills are all well and good, but there are times when a Kalashnikov comes in real handy.
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