"What future for English Rep?” II - Joined-Up Theatre – The Nation's Employment Barometer

There was a time when, as a result of all this in-house training (see below) this theatrical ‘apprenticeship’, a well-drilled, industry savvy workforce fell easily into place and, what’s more, took responsibility for their actions. OK, so it was mainly because they had nothing to hide behind, but clear-cut lines of operation and operatives meant those responsible were easily held accountable. If the flash-box failed to ignite (or worse still ignited, but unfortunately only the first three rows of punters) or the 20kg profile came crashing down, because it hadn’t been fixed with the correct safety devices, and pole-axed one or other soap star in a Panto (fill in your own name here and then write "I wish") then responsibility was, compared to today, easy to define and deal with. However, in the U.K. theatre industry (and in most others too) a not-so-subtle shift has happened.

At the start of their arts strategy, the Arts Council had high ideals but, over the years, as various government changes happened so did the spirit of the message, and no set of changes were as brutal and damaging to arts funding as the Conservative ones banged into place in the ‘90’s. Under this self-serving, amoral Conservative party with unclear goals and policies, lack of morals, a drought of honesty, a jobs-for-the-boys philosophy that saw cronyism at an all time high and an uncertain lifespan, theatre grant levels were cut or frozen and arts venues scrabbling for insufficient government grants became a regular sight at the end of each financial year. Like the Nazi Party in the lead up to May ‘45’, riches and treasures were distributed to the party faithful in the form of golden handshakes, huge payouts made for running services at a loss, and the broken-up, nationalised operations were dished out to 'Privately Accountable Legislature Services' investors' (otherwise known as "PALS") who took the cream, dumped the milk and left a nation with a pillaged set of public services.

What with the U.K. running on empty as far as morals, artistic endeavour and honesty were concerned, a restless art’s population clamouring at the gates for a change in this funding-fostered, dog-eat-dog, begging-bowl “strategy” and a growing number of the population who'd begun to question the government policies even more fervently, it was decided, in the finest tradition of the Romans, that a bread and circuses approach to the problem was the wisest option; on the 14th November 1994 the National Lottery was wrenched from the womb. Seen in private as the solution to the funding crisis, but advertised as the munificent gift of a rocked-out government, the people were told that all the charities (think of the smiles on those poor children’s faces) and the arts in general (think of the smiles on those poor board member’s faces) would benefit greatly from this largesse, and the great un-washed stood a chance of watching a dumbed-out West-End musical (fill in your own title here or just write "We Will Rock You") and winning a million into the bargain! Auctioned off in The Crony Suite of the Franchise Hilton, the right to run the National Lottery was given to “fellows we can trust” (for “trust” read “control”) and a different scrabbling was heard as the smell of huge amounts of money suddenly becoming available started to pervade all corners of the arts. Everone started to grab for it and it was soon realised that what you needed to succeed now was an edge; to prove to a government built on the premis that if you hadn't got a car by the time you were 30 you were a failure, that you could walk-their-walk and talk-their-talk.

Get celebrities on board, businessmen who could wield corporate muscle, city-types and bankers who could provide contact points in the Lottery-grant wars and lobby for favours; self-styled entrepreneurs began to climb out of the woodwork, proving the truth in the Russian saying of, “Where there’s a trough there’ll be swine”. However, in a short time, the theatre management were under pressure from these very shareholders, backers and assorted celebrity hangers-on they'd recruited, for with grants and funding up for grabs the stakes were considerably higher; considerably; celebrity wages and board member's egos for a start. What was needed (came the whisper) was a leaner, fitter operation that could twist and turn with each political, artistic and monetary wind. New words leaked into theatrical conversations like “Mobile Workforce”, “Multi-Skilling”, and “Flexible Working Systems. For those who don’t understand the terms, “Mobile Workforce” is a pseudonym for people who can be discharge and employed at will, “Multi-Skilling” a pseudonym for getting one person to do the job of three for a single wage payment and “Flexible Working Systems” a pseudonym for bending the office secretary over the boardroom table. In 1997 the general election consigned the Conservative government to the shit-heap it so richly deserved and “New Labour” picked up the baton and staggered off with it…………we held our breath for the wind of change and turned blue with the effort.............

We’ll be living in a true Democracy when……an occasional series II

We can listen to the hogwash about there 'never being enough money to fund the health service, the new premature baby ward, the extra school books, the local hospice, the emergency services, the care of the environment, the care of the elderly, the protection of children, the safety of our climate, the cessation of pollution, the funding of the local recycling scheme, the safeguarding of green-field sites, the building of affordable housing, the cleansing of our water courses……………but there’s always enough for an extra gun', and reply, "Hm, well sorry, but the people of this country disagree. They say that, on moral grounds alone, you should cancel that consignment of CS gas-cannister launchers you've just ordered as there's a severe shortage of National Health dentists in the country at present; divert that saved M.O.D. expenditure there, please.".......and that's what the government will do.

I'm not paranoid, just ask the guy who keeps following me, but.....

I was listening to the news on BBC Radio 4 tonight and the article concerning the new break-down in relations between the U.S. and Russia sort of rang bells. In my untrusting, 56-year old, cynical way I couldn't help wondering whether it was all part of "the game". I mean, after 'The Wall' came down and Gorbachev hugged everything within a continent's distance (whether they wanted to be hugged or not) the traders in arms and armament were in serious trouble. OK, so, you could sell a few aircraft to some psych-ed out dictator and plenty of small arms to just about any crazy with a claim to a kingdom (as long as that fruit-loop MT wasn't involved, that is). The Iraq saga must have seemed like manna from heaven to the large-scale arms makers. Here was a guy who could carry the weight of terror defence that missile builders' needed so much to continue their trade. I mean, he had a moustache (so did Hitler) he spoke something that wasn't English (so did Hitler) AND he had a lot of oil (Hitler didn't, but two out of three 'aint bad). It only took Tony Blair to give us the "45-minute" claim (how come the majority of the right-thinking populace smelt livestock and yet those who are supposed to be on the cusp of events cheered him to the rafters?) and the missile-and-radar builders were rubbing their hands with glee. Alas and alack, Saddam Hussein turned out to have no weapons of mass destruction (not even enough "bang" to blow off a dustbin lid, in fact) and in a sweep, the arms men were left with empty order books and a lack of machismo that shrank their gonads to the size of weevils. Cut to the chase; was there a meeting at which the U.S. the U.K. and Russia got together and said, "Lets kill two birds with one stone. We'll do a bit of sabre rattling, get the arms trade a boost for sales AND keep the proletariat weak at the knees over a possible nuclear strike." After a chat they agreed a form for how it was to progress. "Leak the information slowly, keep it in the news, split the proceeds between us, hold on to the reins of power and we'll all meet for lunch in 2008!" Nah.................can't be..........but there's a little bit of me that says, Doris, that's the way it works; keep the people scratching for grains of rice in the soil and they'll never think to look at the horizon. Don't y' just hate politicians for making you think this way...........

We’ll be living in a true Democracy when……an occasional series

We can decide for ourselves what our taxes pay for.

Please signify your maximum of ten (10) choices and the amount awarded per choice below, please. (Where “All” is specified your tax payment will enter a “General Pool” along with others of like mind and shared amongst the recipients equally).

1. General Education – 18% made up of: -

a) Nursery/Pre-school Education - 4%
b) Infant School Education – 4%
c) Junior School Education – 3%
d) Senior School Education – 3%
e) College/University Education – 4%

2. General Healthcare – 21% made up of: -

a) All General Practice – 5%
b) All General Hospitals – 5%
c) All Healthcare Research - 2%
d) Preventative Healthcare Education – 3%
e) All Maternity Units – 3%
f) All Hospice and Care for the Elderly Units – 3%

3. Local Services – 22% made up of: -

a) All Police Service – 5%
b) All Fire Service – 5%
c) All Ambulance Service – 5%
d) All Air-Sea Rescue Services - 5%
e) All other emergency services – 2%

4. Local Government Services – 29% made up of: -

a) Water Supply – 4% (of which 1.5% to be used for cleaning water courses)

b) Electricity Supply – 4% (of which 2% to be used for alternative energy supplies and research)

c) Gas Supply – 4% (of which 1.5% to be specifically used for alternative “synthetic” gas production research and implementation)

d) All Local Government Services – 8% (of which 1.5% to go specifically towards Safe/recycling disposal action)

e) Transport (Public) – 6% (of which 2% to go specifically towards promoting use of non-fossil-fuel transport and 1.5% on creation of “public transport only” zones in city centres’)

f) Transport (Private) – 3% (of which 1% to go specifically towards safe driving and rehabilitation training for all banned/convicted motorists)

5) National Government – General Fund – 3% (of which 1.5% to be used specifically for “local surgery” work)

6) Armed Forces – General Fund – 3% (of which 2% to be used specifically for “Special Forces” training for use in front-line humanitarian aid following natural disasters)

7) Arts and Media – General Fund - 4% (of which 3% to be used specifically for “Regional” arts outlets)

That’s my 100% for this year.........how about yours?

Doris

"What future for English Rep?"

Back in the July/August 00 issue of Stage Screen and Radio a two-page article with this heading ran, much of it bemoaning the lack of skills now available in many of the repertory houses in England, in all back-stage departments. Much like successive governments who peddle the lie that if you cut financial support by 50% and the workforce by 45% then the business will run better, the article said this drought of skills was mainly brought about by cost cutting exercises and hidden agendas that relied for their success on staff reductions and a plethora of 'buying in' and 'off the peg' production solutions; seeing things from the inside, I can vouch for the fact that things haven’t got any better. So, allow your mind to drift as I take you back in time. Whoooeeeooo! Once upon a time………………"
On leaving school the young people of this country were taken on by the employers and once in employment in the various media and entertainment operations, were dispatched to all corners of the workplace to locate left-handed spanners, sacks of holes and tubes of smoke. During these searches, which could sometimes last for years (I know mine for a 'box of sparks' did) they were gradually educated in all the technical disciplines, health and safety demands and design skills that their chosen field of employment required.
They were taught by consummate professionals in the business, and they, in turn became those consummate professionals (alright, not all of them, but you get the gist). Gradually the wheat was sifted from the chaff and a core-staff team was built up.
Throughout it all these new-comers were capable of moving from place to place because, notwithstanding each individual department manager's little peccadilloes (I have the video rights for these by the way) much of the essential training and requirements were standardised throughout the industry, so a skills base was already in place for much of the product.
‘Macbeth’ needed a dagger for Act Two-Scene One, not a rubber chicken and a Spiderman suit (oh, I don't know though) Cyrano de Bergerac a large nose and even larger sword, absolute deadlines had to be met (Your motivation for that line? Try, “We open at 8.00”) Peter Pan needed to fly safely, spectacularly and preferably not in a blackout, and every other experimental youth theatre group needed twenty large broomsticks, a lot of shouting and a red wash. Alterations needed to make the theatre production side run safer, smoother, look better? Department heads and the staff knew exactly what had to be done, where the bars needed to hang, the doors to be placed, the cable runs to go, after all they worked in it every day so they knew by use and default. The beauty of this system was that, each year, a new batch of young and eager talent came through to learn, all over again, those exact same disciplines! Through this scheme these not-so-new-boys and girls were enabled, in their turn, to pass on to others the same skills, and so the cycle continued. A guaranteed steady supply of emerging, dedicated professionals that stuck to the industry like pooh to a pillowcase and moved the arts forward at a pace where they, and in turn we, could all walk before we were expected to run; it was called, "An Apprenticeship"!

Foxes and Road Traffic Accidents

I read with some disquiet the information outed by the League Against Cruel Sports (LACS) that out of the 30-million gamebirds reared annually in the UK, only 12-million are shot by hunters. The remaining 18-million die of either disease, predation or are killed on the roads. Broken down into rough estimates, that means around 6-million gamebirds are being mown down by traffic every year! Jesus, I'm surprised were not all skidding our way to work on the innards of these poor, hapless creatures and beginning to understand the rise in the use of four-wheel-drive school-runners; as if driving about in all that pigeon-shit isn't bad enough, we now have the anatomy of countless pheasants to contend with. Never mind game shooting or fishing, I think the LACS's next target should be car drivers'. Everyone who has an increased liklihood of having a collision with a capercaillie, a pile-up with a partridge or a smash with a snipe should be either banned from driving for life or made to drive one of those jelly-mould Mercedes. That includes those with smoked glass (obscured vision) loud exhausts the size of Wiltshire (increase in noise thereby frightening said birds and causing them to fly in fright across oncoming car's path) and any form of "dangly thing" from the rear-view mirror (distraction). That'll save millions of game-birds' lives and cut the traffic levels on our roads by around 25%.